JOKES

OSOGONO DON DELETE?……

I called a shildhood friend who lives in Warri to ask after a common friend of ours, Osogono, and asked “if e full ground?”
Shildhood Friend: Shuo! You no aware?
Me: Wetin? Wetin? Osogono don delete?
Shildhood Friend: Abeg clear! Na so person dey quick die? Na fawol?
ME: Oya no vex. Detail me the gist?
Shildhood Friend: Not to hin. No be Sogogbish dey do first-to-die with one kpomushele for Bendel Estate…
ME: I dey hear.
Shildhood Friend: Not to small thing o. No do no do, na so Sogogbish preg the babe.
ME: How that one come be new edition?
Shildhood Friend: I go quench the gist if u shook mouth put again o!
ME: No provoke. Dey relate the gist.
Shildhood Friend: Last month na hin yawa gas o! All this while wey Sogogbish dey comb the babe, our guy no fit decode say she… The babe… Na second verse for one Rear Admiral anthem!
ME: YAWA!
Shildhood Friend: Na so I dey toilet dey kaka for Sogogbish bink I just hear Gboaaa!!! 5 naval guys just matching matching the door. Before I say make I clean kaka… Gbooaaah again!! Them don enter Sogogbish room.
ME: Where Sogogbish come dey?
Shildhood Friend: Aiiiiiiii, if you see the beat them beat me? Me wey I no see the babe kpekus… If u see the kpokporing. I for no kuku clean yansh na… I kaka for body na!
ME: Wia Sogo..?
Shildhood Friend: Sogogbish dislink through ceiling. And I warn am… I warn am say this Admiral babe wey you dey RETWEET anyhow…

LIBRARY BOOK

An Hausa man goes into a library to ask for a book on suicide, an Ibo man is the Librarian…
Hausa man: Pls do you have a book on suicide ??
Ibo man: Wetin u wan read that kind book for ??
Hausa Man: I wan commit suicide!
The Ibo man stares at him and says, abeg comot for here… Who go come return the book?

CHIEF LUCKY

Chief Lucky: Henno is that Nondon?
Phone Operator: Yes.
Chief Lucky: Can I speak to Selator Nawrence Dafilole?
Phone Operator: Senator Lawrence Dafinone is out.
Chief Lucky: Can I message you?
Phone Operator: Sure!
Chief Lucky: Tell him Chief Nucky from Nagos called.
Phone Operator: Please spell your name!
Chief Lucky: Are you ready? Oya…
L for Elephant
U for Europe
C for Scissors
K for Chemist
Y for Wire………

CALABAR HOUSEGIRL

A Calabar house girl was asked to slaughter the duck to make dinner, she ended up slaughtering the dog.

DRINKING HABIT

A man looses everything because of his drinking habit, one morning he sees empty bottles on the bar table, he smashes one bottle swearing “Because of you my wife run leave me” smashes 2nd bottle “Because of you I nor get pickin” smashes the 3rd bottle “Because of you I nor get work”, but the fourth bottle was sealed and full of beer, so he said stand aside, “You nor dey involved”!!!

OLODO HOUSEBOY

Okoro the houseboy entered Madam’s room without knocking.

MADAM: Okoro, this is wrong, what if I was naked or dressing up?
OKORO: That can never happen Madam. I always peep first and if you are naked, I go just wait small, dey look until you dress finish before I enter.

SECRET

A guy on a DATE in a brand new Range Rover Sport car full option with a Warri babe, the following ensued…

GUY: I have been hiding a secret from you & I think you’ll break this relationship if I tell you… the secret.
GIRL: What is that my love?
GUY: Am already married.
GIRL: (Hitting him on his lap and hissing) you scared me. I thought you wanted to say the Range Rover Sport is not yours….

WHO YOU BE?

A Nigerian Soldier was re-deployed to Borno from Warri. While the soldier was in Borno, he received a letter from his girlfriend, Rukewe. She explained that while he was away, she had slept with 2 guys and she wanted to break up with him and she wanted her pictures in his possession back. So the soldier did what any Waffi boy would do. He went around and collected unwanted photos of women he could find. He sent them through ABC transport, about 25 pictures of women to Rukewe with the following note: I no remember which one you be, remove your picture and send the rest back….r

A BOY WANTS TO BE A MEDICAL DOCTOR

Boy: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get admission into University these days, except you are well connected…

Uncle: Yes thats true.…

Boy: Since you are connected, I came to ask you to help me get admission into university after my jamb.

Uncle: Ya that’s true…am connected and I will help you.

Boy: Thank you uncle.

Uncle: You are welcome, so how is your result, is it Waec or Neco and how many credits did you get?

Boy: Uncle, its waec, I had only 2 credits in Agricultural science and Yoruba language, but I failed the rest.

Uncle: Well, that’s not bad,you can still be a doctor, not a medical doctor really, but native doctor (babalawo)..you will use your credit in Agric in collecting herbs from forest, and Yoruba language for incantations.

CHEATING DURING BIOLOGY EXAM

During a Biology exam, the first question was:

“Draw the female reproductive organ.”

As the exam was progressing, Ehis saw Obehi bending down to look between her legs,

so Ehis raised his hands and shouted at the top of his lungs, “Sir, Obehi is copying from the original!”

Joke: Isn’t Akpors a Stupid Lovers?s

Mr and Mrs Akpors at a Zoo walk past a gorilla enclosure.

Mrs Akpors: Dear, do u know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior? Look, seeing that no one is looking, I’ll expose one of my breasts to it & see how horny it gets just like men do.

Mrs Akpors then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free.

‘U See,’ says Mrs Akpors, ‘Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can’t control their animal instincts just like gorillas can’t, Men and gorillas are d same.’

Akpors replied: ‘Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.’

Mrs Akpors exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure.

Akpors says: ‘This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!’

Mrs Akpors pulls her skirt up, turns around with her bum to the gorilla, which by now was extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs her and starts yanking the clothes off her.

Mrs Akpors yells: ‘Sweetheart, what do I do now? Please, help me!’

Akpors replies: ‘Now, tell him you are on your period, u have a headache and you are not in mood’. Let us see if Gorillas and Men are really the same .

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